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married and cannot sleep in the same bed with my spouse -- anyone else?

In a nutshell ---- I am a light sleeper, he is restless. For two years --- I have tried everything....earplugs (different kinds), getting a better mattress, sleep hygiene, you name it --- I CANNOT sleep in the same bed with my husband and sleep even somewhat well --without being on prescription drugs. Period. I;ve tried every over the counter --- and I don't want to be on drugs forever. Once in a while is fine -- -but not every night. He is so fed up with the situation that he just wants to sleep on the couch until we can either move to a bigger place, afford a second bed in the bedroom or something. I feel bad - but I agree that we have to take turns. He will sleep fine (although I cannot imagine he actually does?!) and I will wake up feeling more tired and frustrated then before I went to sleep.... I need rest --- I am in a grad medical program --- its not a time in my life when I can just "suck it up." If I go to school this tired all the time -- I will be wasting a lot of student loan money, compromising my health and my education. I guess I just need reassurance from someone older/wiser/more experienced that its not a big deal...We have a good relationship - and we communicate well, my husband doesn't think its a big deal -- but I feel crappy about it.....I don't have family that I can talk to about stuff like this....... Thanks. I think the couch is more comfortable than the bed! Thanks for the reassuring words everyone! Unomike -- he has been to a sleep lab --- they said he is restless but its not treatable ---- and I am the problem, actually, as I have a history of anxiety.

Public Comments

1. Its not a big deal if it means you both get a good nights sleep. Youl have more problems if your both irritated because your tired than if you were both well rested but slept in different beds. Having the bed in the same room would be a good idea.
2. Yes for sure you need sleep. Have you tried getting single beds for the bedroom? I know this sounds nuts but hey you have to do what you have to do to get sleep. Sometimes older couples will have single beds in their bedroom because they can't sleep together.
3. I've seen this type of question dozens of times, though it's usually related to the spouse snoring, but it's basically the same thing here. Judging by the answers I've seen online, you would be surprised how many people sleep in separate beds in private, but won't breathe a word of it in public/real-life. Trust me when I say this, you are not the only person to face this problem and deal with it in the same way. As far as morality goes... You should do what works for your family, so that you can both be happy. That's the right thing to do. However, I would suggest getting an actual second bed, instead of trying to sleep on the couch. I can't imagine that the couch is very comfortable!
4. It is not a problem at all, there are many married couples that sleep in different beds in the same room or in different rooms, and their marriage is fine, they both get a good night's sleep and their marriage is as stronger as ever. I once knew a couple, that slept in different rooms because his snoring drove her nuts. So, if you have to sleep in different beds to stay healthy, and to get a good night's sleep then do so♥ Nothing to feel bad about, how you feel is totally normal, and lots of married couples sleep in different beds for the same thing♥
5. I'm currently going through this because I sleep the same way as your husband. We always slept in different beds and it's never been a problem for us. Sleeping in the same bed is one of those things that people make a bigger deal over than it really is. Since she likes to cuddle, I make sure I hop in bed with her once in awhile for 20-30 minutes then off to my own bed. Your quality of life will go up once you get some sleep, and you'll be wondering why you didn't do this earlier.
6. I had the same problem, I was the restless sleeper and the wife a light sleeper. We found solution to the problem and we still sleep in the same bed. What worked for me may work for you. Make an appointment with his Doctor to have a sleep study done on him to get the root of his restless sleeping. Sometimes as in my case, the problem could be as simple as "Restless Leg Syndrome" (RLS) or some other form of sleep disorder. Once the study is done a remedy can be worked up to alleviate his (and yours) problem. You should not be the one to take medications for HIS sleep disorder. In response to the asker: Now I get a better picture of your situation, The the answer as I see it is to either sleep in separate beds or get one of those Sleep Number Beds. You might check out the links I am providing below. If you cannot afford the sleep number system the you might want to look at a Tempur-Pedic Mattress set to help you both get a good night's sleep without feeling each other move around during the night. I'm providing a link to that as well. Good Luck. http://www.tempurpedic.com/about/our_science/ http://www.selectcomfort.com/ BTW- You might find one of these sleep systems for sale in your local want ads, Craigslist or ebay at an affordable price.
7. I have the exact same situation with my husband. I love him so much but if you sleep beside him he snores kicks talks an I have tried everything possible from ear plugs to sleeping pills you name it. We sleep in spare rooms but we are very much in love and have a happy marriage and even get on better cause we both get a good nights sleep. Where is the rule that married couples must share a bed lol don't worry many other people wish they would agree to our situation.
8. No,it's not a big deal and everyone needs sleep.Although there are many reasons couples eventually break away from each others sleeping in the same bed,I just may join you in the ranks of folks who do sleep apart from their spouses.I've been with my spouse for 22 years and lately it's been very awkward for me because she has some very bad nocturnal habits that frankly are very annoying and disgusting such as snoring and making noises while asleep and me having to push her to make her stop which of course takes a while.I cannot sleep on my left side for too long because she is always passing gas at some point which makes me need to roll over to the other side of the bed and this also includes her sometimes obnoxious sharp bad breath which would make the wall paper peel right off the wall.We all realize that as human beings regardless of being male or female share the same type of digestive systems but we are also capable of control and taking care of ourselves so if you think you have problems and especially if you are a student and need the sleep,you best have a chat with your other half as you won't do any graduating in school if you are asleep in class and don't feel crappy about it since your not the one at fault and because your not the only one.Yes,and I believe the only anxiety you have is knowing that you need the sleep and suffer from someone who undoubtedly doesn't seem to care much about your needs and last,wait until the problem starts to affect your sex life and then you can write me again and I'll tell you how I handle the situation..Good Luck.