Private College Student Loan

Please help me Proof Read my Cover Letter that I am sending with my resume to multiple jobs.:)?

April 6th, 2009 Dean University Hiring Manager Financial Services Dear Dean University: I am extremely interested in a position with in your school for a full time Financial Aid Advisor, and or Admissions Representative. I believe that my knowledge, experience, and employment background is appropriate for these positions, if available. While working for a student loan company, First Marblehead Education Resource/TERI, for four years, I was then laid off due to the Private Student Loan industry down fall. During those years, I have learned how to market the student loans through a student by student conversation, review credit, promissory notes, and detailed documents pertaining to the student loan process. I am very efficient processing loans and I am confident with multi-tasking, my organizational skills, as well as my customer service skills. I feel as though I could apply the combination of my knowledge and experience to the Financial Aid position within Dean University. On a daily average, I closed approximately 50+ loans, reviewed approximately 100 + loans, processed credit resolution in a fast paced environment while receiving in average of 50+ calls daily. My beginning salary was approximately $30,000 and my ending salary was $47,000 per year. Enclosed is a copy of my resume, which more fully details my qualifications and background as well as my previous job duties. I look forward to speaking with you in regards to your Financial Aid opportunity within Dean University. Please feel free to contact me directly via email or by phone. Thank you for your time and consideration. Have a wonderful day. Sincerely, Carrie XXXXXXX

Public Comments

1. I would suggest the following: 1. Do not say that you were laid off from your previous position. You can always volunteer that fact at interview. Just state the skills & experience you learned at that position. 2. Do not put down salary figures for a cover letter. If they are interested, there will be time to negotiate salary, and you might even get more than expected. Don't expose your cards at this early stage. 3. Don't say " I feel as though " - that is not a confident statement. You need to be confident you can succeed at the job - state something like " I am very confident that with the extensive experience I possess, I will be a productive and valuable asset to your team " - or something similar. Good Luck
2. Change line 1 to say "position as a full-time Financial..." Line 7 "downfall" is one word or you can say "slowdown" Line 7 take out the word "the" after market. It sounds good. Send it off..